Create Space and Magic Will Fill It
‘So how have the travels been?’ I ask. She looks at me and her bright eyes get glossy, but she keeps smiling. I know that look.
I take her hand and sit down with her and she tells me of the exhileration, the freedom, the beauty of all she has seen along her solo journey down here. And at the same time, the deep fear that crippled her the other night and sent her sobbing. The wondering, the wandering, the search for purpose in it all. The constant questioning: What am I doing, alone in this foreign place, in this strange house with friends I only met yesterday?
A decade ago, I spent a couple of years wandering the world, with no real purpose other than to be present and to follow the call that bewilderingly drew me forward. Travelling solo can be a wild venture. In the absence of the routine and familiar, everything becomes amplified.
I used to become inebriated on the enormous potential of it all. Every day events shifted into magical, mysterious connections. I was high on life, for no reason other than the exquisite beauty that touched me everywhere I looked. And yet, sometimes the journey filled me with fear and loneliness. Like when the bus dropped me somewhere dark and unfamiliar. Or when I couldn’t decide which route to take. Or when my bank account told a story I didn’t want to hear and I questioned my reasons for leaving in the first place. Or when I just, simply wanted to be home, with nothing to figure out and no need to tell my story.
Under this amplification, common moments of tiredness or disillusion would evolve into soul-searching. On the road, in those moments of doubt, the only thing in my heart was the repetitive cry: “Why?” Sometimes the purposelessness was so cold within me that I had to surrender to the doubt and indecision and just be in it. Bunker down until the vibrancy of my own life force returned once again. Instead of novels and movies and friends and comfort to distract me, I was forced to dive into the worlds within.
We are in a coffee shop looking out at the street as I feel it with her, and when I respond, the words tumble out from somewhere beyond myself.
The truth is, I think that those times of questioning are where the deepest truths lie. The pointlessness and purposelessness of this endless quest can be crippling, and yet there... there is the magic.
Because “travelling” is not just about seeing things, and the questioning is not just about what it’s about. This trip is a map for the rest of your life.
Those are the moments that send you out into nature, walking and walking amongst the leaves and fresh air until the truth is revealed. It is in the wide open and lonely desert of our potential that the yearning inside grows the loudest. We are like babies, tiny kittens on the side of the road calling, calling for something with heart-breaking earnest. And while that longing can leave us shivering at times… the truth is, in space, creation flourishes.
In such a space, we fill the emptiness with the things we are deeply called towards, the things that really have meaning for us. The heart breaks, and the light enters. When we are coldly faced with the possibility that none of this matters, that we don’t matter, that we have no idea what to do next - that is where we find the fire inside to take us towards what really does.
In the absence of purpose, the true purpose is revealed.
On the road, as soon as I let my yearning take me towards meaningfulness, the wonderful would occur. I would toss a coin and go wherever it told me to go. I would read a line in the book that urged me onwards. I would land in the next hostel and find the key to something I’d been trying to learn. A person would come along with exactly the message i needed to hear.
And just like that, synchronicity would connect me back into the Great Mystery.
So when I reach back to memories of that 20-something young seeker, alone and lost on a road whose name I can no longer recall, I see only openness. Power, unfolding. Immense strength, built through enduring those moments of pointlessness. Letting Trust be the one light that remained and affirming that trust, over and over, with the ensuing wonder that followed.
For myself I hope, I truly hope that each time this questioning comes, I am in a position to consider it in a way that honors its potency. Because it is in the deserts of emptiness that the heart’s longing is the strongest. And that voice always, always knows the way.
JIYA JULIA
Jiya works in the field of self-empowerment, particularly through creative expression, helping people to identify their challenges and fulfill their full potential. A founder of international organization Kula Collective, Jiya offers her retreats around the world.
